Goodmorning, loves.

I woke up "on the wrong side of the bed" as many like to say. That changed after turning on the radio and hearing the beautiful words of Lauryn Hill's "Ex-Factor". From these lyrics, I was able to understand why I felt that way.

This part in the song moved me:

"I keep letting you back in

How can I explain myself

As painful as this thing has been

I just can't be with no one else

See I know what we got to do

You let go and I'll let go too

'Cause no one's hurt me more than you

And no one ever will"

I must admit, I have fallen for the same person all over again. This time, he is in the form of someone new. It is not J, no, he's been out of the picture since January '09. However, I met someone, T, who is a lot like him. You know when you kiss someone and your entire body feels it? Well, it's the same sensation I received from J and T (hence, why I feel weak with T). Those sappy love stories that say "I just knew it when we kissed" yadda yadda... Yea, that my friends, is what I thought with the two.

It scares me how the two are similiar physically, but not emotionally. J did not have trouble expressing himself, while T has an issue with saying how he feels (unless he's drunk--another similarity is the two drink excessively). I guess my mom was right, you never know someone fully. When it comes to relationships, you swear on everything that person is your soulmate. I won't knock anyone down because that's how it is supposed to feel. You should always see, or in my case attempt to see, a future with the other person.--> this right here is WHY I do not want a relationship at the moment. I cannot see myself with anyone right now. I have too much going on to drag someone along, or even have them drag me along. My time is limited, nonetheless, a good cuddle here and there is quite useful throughout the week (that's where T comes in).

Those that know the story about us would definitely say: "Tima, you're better than that." Believe me, I know I am! Truth is, we all need love, even in it's false sense (lust) here and there. Deep down inside, I think I'm just covering old scars with make-up. Hoping that no one will see past the thick layers. Don't get me wrong, I love myself, truly do. The question here is not whether I love myself, but do I respect myself? Do I accept the person I have become? My answer is in "Yes" and "No" to the two of them.

As a teenager, I remember idolizing Marilyn Monroe (10-present). I was not drawn to her because of her acting. It was focused on how living life. Enjoying every minute of it and never caring what others had to say. Yes, she was insecure, but that's what she kept to herself. (Can't be mad at that. Women were looked at differently back then). Plain and simple, her love for life captured me.

Not many people value life for what it has to offer. I think that is where people fail. Fail in the sense that they are capable of so much more but settle for less. This ties back into my dating habits. I've had Mr. Right standing infront of me, what did I do? I did what most girls do in this situation... I was too busy caught up on Mr. Right Now and passed up the opportunity. Funny enough, I don't regret this (Never regret; things happen for a reason). I'll admit, I'm a stubborn individual. If I hear "walk away", I walk towards it. Experiences are what build personality, therefore, I can say I made me. How many people could actually say that? Tell you one thing, NOT A LOT!

People hold back when they should just go for it. Have an opportunity? Take it! It'll change your life. Don't wait around for the light to turn green (unless at streetlight hehe ^_^). Look at life as a race; when you get to a checkpoint, mark that time and make the next laps worth finishing!

-T. Love