Emotions...

It has been a while since my last update. I am very sorry. I want to discuss a topic many either feel uncomfortable talking about or too comfortable:SEX. That's right, let's discuss "doing it" as many immature kids would consider it to be. I've come to realize how many people don't know the first thing about it. They think, "in and out, that's how it goes." Well, my friends, no. There are emotions involved. Mae West said it right, "Sex is emotion in motion." An amazing line from a very sexual old time actress (people thought Marilyn Monroe was controversial with her outfits and shy-like smile, look up West, you'd be surprised and might praise her instead).
Sex is what people tend to use as a stress-reliever. Yes, this can work for such, however, depends on the person's mood (Oh, and YES, mood is very much important when it comes to sex). How a person feels reflects in their actions, same as in sex. I have had my share of horrible experiences (DO NOT BELIEVE THE WHOLE "This race is good." Please, save yourself the bad night).
I cannot stress enough how it only takes one time to realize if a second is worth it. Again, please: if the first time was not worth it for you or the other person, there will and SHOULDN'T be a need for a second (then people question why I keep going back to T, it's obvious...besides that, I care about the selfish bastard).
Truth is, I can sit for hours stroking his head to make him feel rested. I know he works long hours, and even puts in overtime. That's why I cater to his needs when we're together. Without the right intentions, a kiss, a simple touch, or massage means nothing. That, my friends, is where people mess up. People will do things because they THINK it feels good, not because they KNOW it does. That was what J taught me; do what you know makes the other person feel right. Ask yourself, If you were to be touched here, how would you feel?
I've been told that I am intune with my sexuality. Honestly, it's not just that. It has to do with your comfort level with yourself. How you expect others to react to you, or how would you like to be treated. You have that control over the person you're having relations with. You may not know how to use it appropriately, but there's a sense of control on both ends.
Aside from what was mentioned previously, I'd like to share a personal experience. Without using sex, I've been able to just kiss someone and the satisfaction is better than having sex. Honestly, it sounds like a joke but that is how you know how good it'll be without doing it. A kiss can symbolize a lot, as Aventura's song says: "Un beso significa amsistad, sexo, y amor en cual quier parte del mundo no importa la religion..." There has only been two people who have been able to kiss me and I am satisfied with just kissing them; J and T (probably what made me fall in love instantly). Speaking of T, we hung out yesterday. My friend D asked if I mentioned anything about feelings to him. I told her I didn't need to. With our 5minute session of kissing the minute I saw him, I did not need words. His lips did all the talking without a sound, just motion. Those that know our situation say to walk away, I'm hurting myself. Yes, I am hurting myself but I know why he acts the way he does from time to time. He's been hurt, that I know, whatever it was made him not believe in love. I know there's a man in him willing to love and probably loves the shit out of me but is too scared to admit it anymore. I've stated the following in a previous blog, and I mean these words: even if we don't get back together and he finds someone else, I want him to be able to trust someone with his heart. I cannot be anymore selfless about this. Some will call me an idiot for being the way I am with him but I would rather show that I care than do what everyone does when shit gets tough. I don't walk away because things aren't what they were before. Unless he disrespects me or my family, like J did, I will always be here. POINT BLANK!

Enough said for today.

-T. Love