True love NEVER dies

"It starts with kissing ears"

They say girls are whores if we sleep around. Men, on the other hand, can sleep with the entire world and he's "the man." I agree with what Jesse believes, People should do whatever they feel like doing. I won't slut myself out, but I'll enjoy myself. Date here and there (of course when i have the time to do so) and just enjoy myself. Como la cancion de Wisin y Yandel, "Si el momento se dio, aprovechalo, disfrutalo y apaga el fuego."
I give people too many chances, not anymore. I'm tired of giving chances, because when I mess up, there's no "I forgive you." I should put myself on the pedestal, not any guy. I should be selfish, place MY needs before everyone else's.....



...but then what? I'll be closed off, people will turn away from me. How about I just forcus on myself like Felix used to tell me (I miss him so much!). Focus on my career, where I'm headed. Guys come and go, but the person I become will ALWAYS be there. I won't lie, I'm an addict of touch. I love hugging, being hugged, cuddling and kissing. (They mean way more than sex to me, honestly!) You can find ass anywhere, but the connection you feel with one person you may or may not ever find it again. (Trust me, I know!) Nonetheless, there's one person who has had my heart for the longest (the one I mentioned previously). I have a feeling he'll always be in my life (after 4 yrs., it's a given).
I wish there was a way to tell if someone was your soulmate, like something would just light up or their eyes would change. Of course that only happens in cartoons, where the heart jumps out. Then again, there is something... that look they give you whenever they see you walk into the room. Not to bring up the past, but it would happen all the time whenever J walked into a room. My eyes were always drawn to him. I recall this one time at work (NJ), it was 11p.m. He had been driving home (NY) from Massachuseutts and I had been having a bad night. He had texted me saying he was headed home earlier (we always kept in touch throughout the day ^_^...yea it would get a bit sickening). Some guys were trying to be funny, I remember giving them an attitude and everything. Not lie, about 5-10 minutes later, J walks in and I have the biggest smile and he said, "I just wanted to stop by and say 'Hi'". He was tired and drove back home. I received a text from him once he got home that said "It's so hard to walk away from you. Babe, you really are beautiful" (I remember all this because it was one of my favorite, romace-movie type scene). What J and I had was deep, but I could not stick around because he was too insecure. His insecurity made me insecure. Who knows, maybe years from now, when we both mature, we'll find ourselves and the love will still be as fresh as 7.17.07... sigh* I miss that. We'd look at the clock and say Happy 7:17 and all that lubby-dubby stuff. I remember getting weak whenever our lips met. I do remember the fights (I always thought it was over...but we'd apologize). We had it planned; marriage in two years, kids by 2017 and living the life we both wanted. Truth is, I did not want the life he wanted to live. I was happy, but the career he chose for me, nursing, was not me. That's what really made me turn cold (besides the whole drunk scene in NYC...that was hell) I remember the good, the bad...the ugly times. I remember so much, sometimes I wish I could forget. What would forgetting do, though? Will I be able to one day just forget that I was in love? That we promised to spend forever together? It used to bring me to tears, but now, it just makes me think. Part of me has hopes to one day (at least) be good friends. The other half believes its over for good. More than anything, I want a friendship. I miss saying something so random and him understanding. I miss our sense of humor. I miss how whenever he'd have to go back home, I would tear up. It was so painful seeing him leave knowing that we had a wonderful day and it was over until the next. (See, I'm a hopeless romantic..lmao) The last two nights, I've slept with J. Jr. (it's the big bear he gave me...I just needed something to hold on to) It reminded me of when he gave me the bear (along with other stuffed animals). We were going to eat and he called me saying "I hope you don't mind, I brought my friends" I responded with "No, babe, I don't mind." Little did I know that once I opened the passager door there would be 9 stuffed-animals. I had the biggest smile. (Little things like that I miss, how easily he made me laugh/smile/giggle... anything). No one has ever been as sweet to me as he was. I pray for him and wish him well, always. Last thing I heard he got a job, is going back to school and doesn't have a financed car (THANK GOD!) and has paid for it. I'm proud of him and will always love him as the wonderful person he is.

-T. Love