We walk away not because we're weak...

I know I have been MIA for the past two days. So sorry! I've been busy with school and work (remember, I worked once last weekend and now I'm working all weekend). Other than working all weekend, I am starting projects for this month with the intention to finish most of it before their due dates (hence, the math one due Sunday night)---already done ^_^.

I have to be honest, the last few days I've been a mess. Ever since that night I feel asleep with my J Jr. I've been missing him. I won't lie, there is not a day that goes by and he is not on my mind. Everything reminds me of him, why? I wish I knew. Every couple that walks into my job I recall the times we went out to eat. I'm happier now than when I was with him, because now I get to smile at simplicity and live my life as I always wanted (and of course, studying PR rather than nursing). I truly miss him as a friend. He knew me like no other, and the inside jokes, forget it! They are memorable. I know he misses me just as much but is too stubborn to accept the fact that it's done. I told him I wanted a friendship, he chooses not to, and I respect his wishes.

I remember the last time we saw each other, he was giving me everything I gave him and I was returning his chain and the ring (tear). The look on his face was priceless, I was hurt seeing him that way. I could tell he hadn't slept well the last few nights. There I was, at the door, about to hold him the minute I opened the door.... (I was weak whenever I saw him, heck, I cried when he would have to leave so imagine at this point). My dad came to the door behind me, which made me snap out of it and just take it for what it was. A goodbye that was certain this time, not like the April break up where I ran back within 3-days. No, this one said, "Tima, it's over...for good." After having him sign off on something, I shut the door and walked away. I looked out the window and saw him sitting in the car, crying. I cried too, but I had to let go. Love is about realizing where you are and whether it coincides with where you want to be. I love him to this day, and know I always will have that special cariño for him.

Okay enough emo stuff, let's talk about current affairs (can I really call it that, because it's definitely nothing close to it... how about: current situation, that's better ^_^)

So, LC continues to hit me up, not interested, but I did offer a friendship.
As for T, well let's just say he's just an option when I'm desperate. Honestly, I cannot keep going back to him. Like I stated in past blogs, he's a lot like J; I don't need to be reminded of him. (But the kiss is irresistible) ^_^
Hmm, let's see, oh yes, JD. He's also in the friend zone. I can't help it. I rather keep them as friends than anything else. I really don't need a "friend with benefits", not now. I've decided, (well I decided this last year but never stuck to it) that I am going to remain abstinent. It's been a week, two weeks Tuesday. I am looking forward to keep it this time. I'm 20, I'm not looking to have a kid anytime soon, so WHY have sex? Yes, it feels great (with the right person)! And like Freud says, complete, uninterrupted sex is healthy. However, with the way things have been, I don't want to be a 20-year-old mother (yes, when I was 13 I said I wanted kids by 18...but that was then, it's been 2yrs since my 18th). Society has been more accepting of young mothers, I just won't want to have to put my education aside. Plus, I have 2 semesters to go. I'm not putting that aside because I was careless.

NOTE: I LOVE CHILDREN, truly do, just not ready for one at this moment....

Until next time...
-T. Love